"Previously on" Friends:
I've been at this for 17 hours.
- How many centimeters am I dilated? - Three.
Just three? I'm dilated three!
- We talk about having babies someday. - We're gonna try?
- Right here? - No, not here.
Maybe here.
Your grandma's engagement ring, I want you to give it to Rachel.
- Mom, no. - This isn't some girl...
...you picked up in a bar and humped.
I take it you're just visiting someone?
- Wanna visit someone else? - I would like that.
- That's him. - Great. Go get him!
Maybe you could go in first.
I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray. I have a few routine questions.
Do you sleep with women and never call them again?
Oh, my God!
Should we tell Rachel there's an empty room right next to hers?
We could. Or we could have sex in it.
Well, let me think about that. While I remove my pants!
Okay, mister! Fertilize me!
Does that sound like Janice?
If it's not, then there's two of them.
And that would mean it's the end of the world!
The One Where Rachel has a Baby - Part II
Hey.
- Hey. - Hi.
I can't believe this is taking so long. How are you?
Not bad. You know that feeling, trying to blow a Saint Bernard out your ass?
Weirdest thing. Did I hear...?
Mother of God, it's true!
Chandler Bing!
Janice.
Not just Janice. Janice in labor. Contracting and everything.
Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis.
You remember, Chandler.
I didn't know you were pregnant.
Who's the unwitting human whose essence you've stolen?
It's you.
This is yours.
What?
Look how nervous he gets! We haven't slept together in years!
That's funny. Does it hurt? Does the labor hurt?
Okay, I have one. If you had to, which would you eat?
A Seeing Eye dog or a talking gorilla?
I'd have to say the talking gorilla.
'Cause at least I could explain to him that you're making me eat him.
- Oh. Somebody went to college. - Yeah.
Wow. What is it? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. My foot itches like crazy.
Oh. I'll get it.
I usually get to know a girl better before I let her spoon me.
Relax. It's not like we're forking.
Oh, that's five, Ross. Five women have had five babies...
...and I have had no babies.
Why doesn't she want to come out?
I think you made such a nice home for her...
...the last nine months, that she just doesn't want to leave.
Oh, look at you making up crap for me.
- Oh, God. - Okay. Okay.
Twenty-one hours. You're a hero.
Do something! Get me drugs...
...or you light a fire up in there and just smoke it out!
I think you're ready to go to the delivery room.
What?
Ten centimeters. You're about to become a mom.
Oh, my God. Okay.
Beat you, sucker! Oh, baby.
Oh, my God! That's the doctor who was in my room before.
Oh. Okay, Mr. Percocet.
I'm telling you, the guy from that show was here...
...asking me all these weird questions.
Do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here?
Rachel's having her baby!
That's him! You know him?
Okay. Okay. L... Okay.
I sent my friend, Joey, in here to find out stuff about you.
If it, you know, if it helps, you came off great.
A lot better than I'm coming off right now.
I don't believe this. You had him pretend he was a fake doctor?
Fake? Excuse me? Hello?
- You tried making me think I was crazy? - That was wrong. I'm so sorry.
It's just that I liked you so much. Can we just start over?
I don't think so.
If I may? You told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right?
Now, maybe it would help if you knew some personal stuff about her.
She was married to a gay ice dancer.
She gave birth to her brother's triplets.
Her twin sister used to do porn.
- We're trying to dial down the crazy. - Right.
We don't know each other, so it'd be easy to forget this...
...but there's something between us. I don't know about you...
...but that doesn't happen to me a lot.
- It doesn't happen to me, either. - Me, neither!
Push. Push. We're gonna push for five more seconds.
Five, four...
Three, two, one! Oh!
The next contraction will be in 20 seconds.
- I can't push anymore! - You're doing great.
Oh, God! Twenty seconds, my ass!
Here we go. Okay, keep pushing.
- Come on. - Push. Wait.
- I see something. - What, you do? You do? Oh, my God!
- Don't say "Oh, my God!" What?! - What is that?
The baby's buttocks. She's breech.
- I thought she had two heads. - Oh, God!
Will she be okay?
- She'll be fine. - Yeah.
She's in a difficult position, so push hard.
- Okay. - Go. Come on. Go! Go!
You'll have to push harder.
- I'm sorry, I can't! I can't! - Yes, you can. I know you can do this.
I can't do it. Please, you do it for me!
Let's go. One more time. One final push. Ready? One, two, three.
Good.
Keep pushing!
Are you okay?
You have no idea how much this hurts.
Keep going! Keep going!
Here we go!
She's upside down, but she's coming!
- Oh, God! - Oh! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, she's here.
Oh, she's perfect.
Oh, wow! Oh, she's so tiny.
- Where'd she go? - They're just wrapping her up.
Okay. Well, be careful with her, she's really tiny.
Here she is.
Oh, thanks for coming out of me.
I know. Oh.
She's looking at me. Hi. I know you.
- Do we have a name yet? - No, not yet.
Fine. For now we'll just call her Baby Girl Greene.
Oh, no. Baby Girl Geller-Greene.
Hello, Baby Girl.
- Can we come in? - Oh, come on in.
- Oh, there she is. - Oh, she's so beautiful.
Here.
Oh, my God. She's amazing.
Oh, I'm so glad you guys got drunk and had sex.
It's incredible. I mean, one minute she's inside you...
...and then 47 hours later, here she is.
She looks so real.
You know what I mean.
- Okay, my turn. My turn. - Aunt Phoebe.
Oh, baby. Oh, you're so cute!
Oh, I could squeeze your little head.
I won't.
- Honey, what's the matter? - Nothing. I just can't stop crying.
The doctor said it's normal, plus you're sleep-deprived.
You guys are all sleep-deprived.
I don't see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet.
Oh, God.
- What's the matter now? - I was reliving it.
Do you know what you're gonna call her yet?
Wait, it's not gonna be Baby Girl? I thought that was so original.
Actually, we've narrowed it down to two.
And you know what? I love them both. So just pick one, and that'll be it.
Wow, okay. Everyone?
This is Isabella.
- Hi, Isabella! - Hi.
What?
That's not her name.
I'm sorry, she just doesn't feel like an Isabella.
- What was the other one? - Delilah.
Oh, great! At least she sounds like a biblical whore.
So, I guess we're back to Baby Girl.
What will we do?
- You'll find a name. - Easy for you to say.
You know what your kids' names will be.
- You do? - I had them picked out since I was 14,
Oh, no, it's gonna be named after some snack or baked good, isn't it?
- Well, tell us, what are they? - Okay. If it's a boy, it's Daniel.
- And if it's a girl? - I don't want to say.
Oh, stop. Tell us. We're not gonna want it.
Okay. It's Emma.
Emma.
See, I don't want it.
- Take it. - What?
She's clearly an Emma.
Oh, honey, but you love that name.
Yeah. But I love you more.
Besides, nothing goes with Bing. So I'm screwed.
Aaron Lipman-Guralnick would like to say hello to his future bride.
Oh.
Wow, he kind of takes your breath away, doesn't he?
He's a keeper.
- How are you feeling? - Oh, I'm fine.
I really admire what you're doing. Just raising her all alone.
I'm not doing it alone. I have Ross.
Sure. Now. But what happens when he meets somebody else and gets married?
Well, then he gets a divorce. It's Ross.
I'm telling you. Listen to Janice.
They all say they're gonna be there, until they start their real family.
- That's never gonna happen with Ross. - That's what I thought.
I'm lucky if my kid gets to spend a weekend with her father...
...and little Miss New Boobs.
Really?
I hate to be the one to say it...
...but, honey, you two are on your own.
Well, that's, you know, that's...
We've been alone for the last 20 minutes and we're doing okay.
Maybe we won't be alone.
Because lately things have been happening between me and Ross.
And right before I went into labor, we had this kiss. You know?
So it might be the beginning of something.
- Hey, Janice. - Oh, hi.
Who's this little guy?
- Aaron, your future son-in-law. - Oh, no, no.
- I'm gonna leave you three alone. - Okay.
Man, you see the kid on that nose?
You know what I was thinking about?
That kiss before we left the apartment. That was something, huh?
Yeah. Yeah, it really was.
But we, we gotta be careful.
We... You know, we can't let that happen again, you know?
Right.
- We don't want to go down that road. - No. That's why I brought it up.
- They didn't have any sodas? - Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
I was talking to this nurse. Completely forgot.
And so it begins.
She in there?
Yeah. She's putting her down now. That's her.
- Look at Emma. - I can't decide who she looks like.
Oh, what, are you kidding? She's gorgeous! It's all Rachel.
I'm sorry. For the last time, why aren't you two together again?
No, I know. Because you're not in that place.
Which would be fine, except you totally are.
It's complicated, okay?
You love her, you always have, you have a child together.
There's no right answer.
Look, we've been together. Then apart. Then together, then apart.
And now we have a baby.
It's just, if we got together again and it didn't work out?
I could never do that to Emma.
I mean, she came into this world thinking everything... Now me.
What, do they put something in the water here?
It's just, Rachel and I, we're doing really well now.
I know. If you try to make it more, you might wreck it.
- Yeah, exactly. - Right.
Or you might get everything you've wanted since you were 15,
Hey.
I saw a woman breastfeeding twins at the same time.
It is like a freak show up here.
- What's the matter? - Nothing.
What is it? Hey?
- Really, it's nothing. I'm... - Rach, come on. What?
I've just been thinking about how my baby and I are gonna be all alone.
What are you talking about? What about Ross?
Please. He'll be with his real family. The twins and little Miss New Boobs.
Okay, how long was I watching that woman?
I'm just saying that, you know...
...someday Ross is gonna meet somebody...
...and he's gonna have his own life.
Right?
Yeah, I guess so.
I just never thought I'd be raising this baby all by myself.
That's pretty dumb, huh?
Hey, you listen to me. Listen to me.
You are never, ever gonna be alone.
Okay? I promise I won't let that happen.
Joey. Oh, sweetie, what would I do without you?
You don't have to worry about that, okay?
Could you grab me my other box of tissues?
- They're under Ross' coat. - Sure.
Oh, my God!
Joey?
Oh, my God.
Okay.
- That was amazing. - I know.
Hey, do you realize that we may have just changed our lives forever?
We may have started our family. In nine months we could be here...
...having our own baby.
And if not, we got to do it on a bucket.
[ENGLISH]